Endless golden fields and rolling hills are the backdrop to this latest twist. I am starting to believe that I am a resident of this country rather than any one city or specific location. Miles upon miles of glimmering horizons filled with never ending grassland. The highway is my only place of refuge. Flying down the highway I have but one mission and that is to be near my old home again. Oh how I want to see the familiar stores and people, to know most of the streets so I don’t need directions, and to know where my sanctuaries are. Driving up to my house was an eerie feeling. Memories that I had blocked from my brain suddenly began to blossom before my eyes like the rose garden I used to play around in my front yard. My memories from childhood are filled with more sadness than happiness, which is quite depressing. Looking at myself in the mirror I cannot see any promise or hope. I am a walking failure and no matter how much I care or try nothing seems to work out. Upon arriving home, I had to first see my Spanish rose. Her beauty was at its devastating best and her smile played with the strings of my heart. In the bitter cold of evening, I tried so hard to be perfect for her and yet I fell so short of that. I know she cares about me, but is there more? Does she feel the may I feel? Did she not feel something when I held her hand in mine? Every time I watch her leave I die a little inside. Her countenance is so upbeat and lively that without her love I feel so empty. Actions speak louder than words, but the right words can be just as powerful. When our lips locked I felt like I was worth something again. I may have finally found my true place of residence, but will I be allowed in? The walls around her heart are built with thick blocks of stone and only a true Michelangelo can sculpt his was through. I will chisel away as best I can for maybe my creation will be good enough in her soothing eyes. My fate has yet to be sealed, so for now I shall continue on my course and pray the winds of success and failure blow in the direction of the former.
There is no failure, you are not a failure. They're just steps on they way to finding answers, working shit out.
ReplyDeleteAnd (in response to your previous post): you are not just an alcoholic or a pothead. You're alot more. It's impt to face the darkness and work out your shit but don't forget to look up too. Look at where you want to go, what you CAN do to get there, things you've done right, things that are good about you
The more you do this, you'll find you have more good to say about you