My mind feels so scattered like marbles being dropped and rushing in every direction. It’s like I am internally going through every emotion possible, but at lightening fast speed. Like watching a movie in fast forward, I am so confused about what’s actually going on. I feel as though I’m actually going insane. Is this how it really feels? Like a multi-colored bouncy ball, my thoughts and emotions are colliding with my insides. I feel so cold all the sudden and my senses have become heightened. The dimly lit room has suddenly become so much more alive. Why is it that just when I’m starting to feel a little better I’m abruptly pulled right back into this world of darkness. Is this something I will always live with? Will the shadow of doubt and fear continue to be with me every step of the way? I feel as though my life has become so crazy it is like I’m behind the wheel of a car spinning out of control on ice; no matter what decision I make the car will still probably crash. A grave and epitaph are already being selected for me. The faint sounds of the trains that pass by my window remind me of freedom; freedom to move and freedom to live. I am so trapped now that a bottle of alcohol or a rolled joint is where I would like to be right now. As the prophet said, only I can unlock myself from this mental prison. But the key is hidden in the dark and I have no light with which to find it. I am scared that I may never find it and I will continue to be a lost soul forever. Until my day of endless rest I shall search. I pray you don’t have to share the same fate my friend because days of ceaseless anguish and suffering lay ahead of me. This is the true fate of a lost soul.
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