When shall this living nightmare come to an end? My fears about being here are starting to come true. Like a newborn child I am kept within visibility and earshot at all times. The only time I am alone is at night and even then they are sleeping so close to me. My every step and breathe throughout the day is recorded and analyzed. I want to run away and be free again. I am a caged bird that yearns to spread its wings and never return to this house of imprisonment. I am dying slowly while I am here and I am losing time. Soon I shall be a walking skeleton and nothing more. I want to be able to feel love and happiness, but I can’t here. Will I ever find such a person if I leave here? So many people miss me and I share their feelings, but there is nothing I can do and I feel so hopeless because of it. Why does it hurt so much to be happy? Why does it hurt so much to try to love? The only life I see right now is me, this pen, this paper, and a bottle of rum. I have failed my parents, family, and friends. I have failed everyone who ever had faith in me that I was a quality person. Each and every day I have tried so hard to be the best I could be, but I have fallen so short of that now. Who wants to love an alcoholic? What potential does a pothead have? I am the scum of the earth. The faith that I kept so close to my heart for eighteen years has crumbled away like an eroded rock and has since been replaced by the closest thing to religion, Bob Marley. I don’t know what to believe anymore or say or do. What does this crazy world want from me? What purpose am I suppose to serve? I am losing the only sane part of my mind left. I hope I can leave this place soon; I hope I find a way out.
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