VII

Can life get anymore crazy?  I am constantly followed by the shadow anger and sadness wherever I go.  Stalked like the hunted, my only reprieve is at the bottom of a bottle of rum.  Countless nights spent sleeplessly searching for answers and days spent sleeping away what was once a promising life.  What was once a normal existence has become the isolated.  I am easily attached to those who wish to lend a helping hand, but what they don’t realize is they bring me down even more.  I am so alone and with each passing minute I ponder why I am still here.  There is so much to live for, yet there is so much to die for too.  My future success has no merit to me anymore.  Why does one person get to decide why I am successful or not?  I wish I could just get in a car and drive for a while not looking for anywhere in particular to go.  I want to be free of these bonds that chain me.  I wish I could look out from the cell window and see the ocean in all its majestic wonder.  I wish I could feel each grain of sand between my toes as I would casually saunter along the waterfront and smell the sea air with its almost palpable saltiness.  That is the place where I would like to live and die.  But that place is so far away from where I am now.  I can only dream and ponder such places.  A concrete jungle is where I am destined to be, as it seems, forever.  To stop is to die and to think is to be out casted.  To survive you have to become master of the game and play by their rules.    I follow them now because I have nowhere else to go and I feel as though I will never be able to jump ship and swim ashore.  The storm that has engulfed the ship is starting to slowly drag her down.  The waters are treacherous and there is no land in sight.  Any sight of land would be the savior of me.   Oh what troubles life has brought.  Time has now become the judge of all.